i close my eyes.

my heart is beating fast.

fast fast fast.

than my head started spining.

than i could just hear it.

my angels voice. "we were never meant to be".

am i dreaming? did i hear that right? it couldn't be.

"move on okay?" the angel continues speaking.

than i opened my eyes. he was gone. my angel. gone. just like that.

noo i yelled. noo. dont go. eventhough i knew he was already gone. i kept yelling.

than i couldn't see him. i just couldn't feel him anymore.

my heart stopped beating when i realise my so called soulmate, my future. gone.

just a blink of an eye. my life. it's over.

but why did he leave me? am i not good enough?

than i felt hurt. i felt pain. i felt everything crashing down on me.

it feels like someone is stabbing my heart again and again.

i started crying by now.

i can't live without him.

how could he?

he was everything.

everything.

my purpose of living.

gone.

i lay there.

hurt. pain. everything just covering me.

everything. is gone now.

how can i live anymore?

that's when i had the thought.

i went to the drawer and took out a gun.

my dad placed it there for an emergency. and i thought why not,right?

than i heard it.

"pull the trigger" said my angel.i don't have anything to live for anymore.

so why not?

"do it" my angel said again and again.

than, i saw him. am i delusioning? yes,i am. atleast i think i am.

i started sobbing.

than my angel said "pull the trigger. you can do it"than i saw him

he smiled my favourite smile.

i fell into a releif feeling.

i fell into this beautiful delusion.

but what about the baby? i'm only 15 maybe i can make it work.

but no.

how can i?

my parents wants me to get out of this house as soon as possible.

i dropped out of school.

no i can't. my life is ruined. i have to kill myself.

i put the gun somewhere targeting my head.

i couldn't see with the tears covering my eyes.

but i couldn't.

my baby.

my heart raced.

fast fast fast.

my head started to spin more making it hard to think properly.

i took few deep breaths.

than i was thinking clearly enough to realise my baby. i can't kill myself. my baby.

my baby. my baby.

than i felt something moving in my tummy.

don't worry baby. i began saying with no voice at all.

don't worry.

than i dropped the gun

and everything went black. i couldn't feel my body but i could feel the pain.

stabbing my heart again and again.

how am i going to live? how?

*please leave your comments :) and sorry if there is english error or spelling error*

love: SYASYA AREEN .

thanks for reading! :)