i close my eyes.

my heart is beating fast.

fast fast fast.

than my head started spining.

than i could just hear it.

my angels voice. "we were never meant to be".

am i dreaming? did i hear that right? it couldn't be.

"move on okay?" the angel continues speaking.

than i opened my eyes. he was gone. my angel. gone. just like that.

noo i yelled. noo. dont go. eventhough i knew he was already gone. i kept yelling.

than i couldn't see him. i just couldn't feel him anymore.

my heart stopped beating when i realise my so called soulmate, my future. gone.

just a blink of an eye. my life. it's over.

but why did he leave me? am i not good enough?

than i felt hurt. i felt pain. i felt everything crashing down on me.

it feels like someone is stabbing my heart again and again.

i started crying by now.

i can't live without him.

how could he?

he was everything.

everything.

my purpose of living.

gone.

i lay there.

hurt. pain. everything just covering me.

everything. is gone now.

how can i live anymore?

that's when i had the thought.

i went to the drawer and took out a gun.

my dad placed it there for an emergency. and i thought why not,right?

than i heard it.

"pull the trigger" said my angel.i don't have anything to live for anymore.

so why not?

"do it" my angel said again and again.

than, i saw him. am i delusioning? yes,i am. atleast i think i am.

i started sobbing.

than my angel said "pull the trigger. you can do it"than i saw him

he smiled my favourite smile.

i fell into a releif feeling.

i fell into this beautiful delusion.

but what about the baby? i'm only 15 maybe i can make it work.

but no.

how can i?

my parents wants me to get out of this house as soon as possible.

i dropped out of school.

no i can't. my life is ruined. i have to kill myself.

i put the gun somewhere targeting my head.

i couldn't see with the tears covering my eyes.

but i couldn't.

my baby.

my heart raced.

fast fast fast.

my head started to spin more making it hard to think properly.

i took few deep breaths.

than i was thinking clearly enough to realise my baby. i can't kill myself. my baby.

my baby. my baby.

than i felt something moving in my tummy.

don't worry baby. i began saying with no voice at all.

don't worry.

than i dropped the gun

and everything went black. i couldn't feel my body but i could feel the pain.

stabbing my heart again and again.

how am i going to live? how?

*please leave your comments :) and sorry if there is english error or spelling error*

love: SYASYA AREEN .

thanks for reading! :)

im back im back im BACK!!!

i just got back from the astronomy camp... and it was unexpectable that azizi, firdaus (ayam) & adlee/adli were my teamates this year. it was kinda a good thing for me that theyre my teamates cause i know them since last year's camp :) we were asked to peform (our team) during the final day. so we wrote and composed a song and mostly azizi, firdaus and adlee/adli made the lyrics i guess but somehow, me and my girl mates did help them out alittle :) but it was worth it, cause azizi played the guitar very well (Y) *nanti tah sja aku lanja kau ideal, zi HAHAHA* the song was actually LAWA but then unfortunately, we kinda forgot the lyrics when we sang it infront of the people like... shit man. hahah APAAKAAN. but it was enjoyable! ^_^
and and therell be more pictures and videos i would like to upload someday about the astronomy camp which i participated :) so, i hope youll enjoy!
but, i like last year better than this year's camp. cause it is just too short ;)

smile like dis ^_____________^

i ♥ tokyah

lain-e

haha laine here. im so tired! haha apakan
i havent been home..yet! maybe tonight
possibly. maybe. haha but yeah erm just thought
i should update a lil on mom.

hi mom! i miss you dont you miss me? haha

i cant upload pics/vids yet cause this is my uncle's
laptop im using and idk how to upload pics from my cam
kesini haha.

30H3s song with Katy Perry lawa

have fun this holiday :)
lets put a smile on that face! hahaha

Friss Areen

dropping by

if you guys(areens) are allowed to sleep over at my place,that would be ZE BOMB!

i minta ampun for not updating :(

mom's still alive!!!

marissa here. ^_^

okay, ima make mom alive again :D since no one wants to update.

my holiday.... has been, well...kinda weird. hahahah been voice cliping alot with yaya's random friends; anwar(endwar), (red), afiq musa, fuad fikreh,(faurice)

i got myself a new nickname from afiq. MAURICE. AHAHAAH one of the casts from Madagascar. the one with the big cutie eyes~ 0_0 APAAN! hahahha lameassss

i went to gadong with yaya and her sis. and these are some of the pictures. sikit sja maris upload. MALAS

utama grand punya fitting room HAHA

in the car

jalan-ing with kaka FIQS!

YAYA'S ROOM. SO PRETTYYYY

next week... ima go camping again!! haha gonna meet the old campers. but, dont know if this year siuk kah nda :( like... mcm sikit sja org ikut. but oh well, hopefully siuk ^_^

miss them.

and also.. i miss the areens. :( where are you guys?

*sighhh*

and i so love this song called *throught the trees by low shoulder* i love it! faurice, thanks for sending it. HAHA. and come on... when are you gonna feel annoyed by me trashing you fb? =_='

someone's trashing yaya's blog (my cousin FYI). he or she even talk trash about me.

that fucktitute.

smile like DIS ^_^

maaf kan saya ibu

sorry!! sorry! sorry!! ive been so derhakaish to mom (massofmusic)

not respecting mom. dont even tell any stories to mom. im so sorry. and here i am, talking to mom. hi mom. guess what? ada camp this year. and im gonna join. MAYBE. not sure. MAYBE... MAYBE NOT ^_^

alai maies. smile like dis pipal ^_^